Words: How we hurt those who are suffering...

 Admit it.  You have said these words.  I know I have.

You run into an old friend from high school at the grocery store, and strike up a conversation.  They tell you about a genuine concern they have in their life; they are struggling with divorce, a family member is ill, they don't know if they will have a job next month...

You turn to the one pretty, little statement that you think will shine a little light into their life.   "God doesn't give you more than you can handle."

It is well intended, and absolutely wrong and hurtful. 

Put yourself in their shoes.  Let's say they have a terminally ill child.  This statement implies that God gave them exactly what they can handle.  Which leads to this kind of thinking:

• God doesn't understand my limits or my suffering, because I am in WAY over my head. 
• Okay, I am a strong person.  That's great.  My child is being punished because I am strong.

We started out trying to say something encouraging.  Instead we have isolated them, made them feel guilty, and possibly have pushed them even farther from God.

So, where did we get this catchy "sunshine and rainbows" saying? 

 I believe that people misunderstand or misrepresent 1 Corinthians 10:13.

 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."   (NIV)

Scripture is not telling us that God will not give us trials beyond what we can bear, it is saying that God will not give us temptations beyond what we can bear. 

In closing, please choose your words carefully.  If you don't know what to say... say that!  You will do far less damage by telling the other person that you are at a loss for words.  (Believe it or not, they may not even be expecting you to say anything anyway.  They may just want to have someone listen to them!) 

Dear Lord, please help me to think about the impact of my words, before they leave my mouth.  Help me to comfort those who are struggling without hurting them in the process.  As Hawk Nelson sings in their song, Words,  "Let my words be life, Let my words be truth, I don't wanna say a word, Unless it points the world back to You."   Amen.